ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, I'm Illyria Jones! Welcome to The Happy Phantom weblog. I once lived in a small town in Florida which I write about frequently in this space. The names have been changed, but the people and places are real. As a Philadelphia native who found herself to be a prisoner of inertia, I've decided to stop resisting and just go with the flow. Doesn't mean I don't get a little frustrated every now and then! Here's to better days, new beginnings, making friends, and a life less ordinary in Florida.
ABOUT
Ramblin' Daze
When I was in college, I rambled with some girls who listened to Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes album from morning to night. They were such lovely lasses, too!
The one track I liked best was "The Happy Phantom," about a she-ghost who haunted the places she had been when she lived in her mortal coil. I fell in love with the idea --a phantom has freedom to do and say anything she wants, regardless of convention.
And so here is my Happy Phantom blog, a place for the posting of whatever pleases the imagination. In fact, the more it flies in the face of all things conventional, the better! The happy phantom runs naked through the catholic schoolyard without her mask on. The happy phantom wears her naughties like a jewel.
And, I believe the Happy Phantom has every right to bitch.
THE PHANTOM PLAYERS
The following are names/aliases you may come across in daily posts.
Marvinsburg: a small, small town somewhere in Florida. Once a backdrop for the Happy Phantom blog, it is now the site where life lessons were learned, hearts were broken, and the good times rolled in on two wheels every April.
Illyria Jones: Yours truly, writer of The Happy Phantom blog, once was living in Marvinsburg, once was a teacher of writing, once worked for the Marvinsburg Mafia, and now has moved onto a better town, a better job, and better days.
Sparky: Local boss of the Marvinsburg Mafia. He traffics in high class transportation (wink wink!) He mongrams the cuffs of his own shirts while partaking of whiskey and water, though these days he favors the latter straight up with a whiskey back. Also a known eavesdropper and lover of a dirty limerick. once a friend to Illyria Jones.
Archie Artifact: Once Sparky's right-hand man and once Illyria's love interest, though she moved on to better days with better people. Not only is he a paleoenthusiast, he can also trace his roots back to Coronado. When not digging through neighbors' yards for fossils, he can be found at the local watering hole attempting to channel the Spanish explorers of his ancestral past through doubles of rum and water. Also, because of his penchant for home decor and acquiring obscure kitchen utensils that he never uses, he is sometimes known as the sixth man on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
That Mainer Wes: A man from Maine named Wes. Also in the "Marvinsburg Mafia" and a royal pain.
Lucifer: Once Sparky's left-hand man--kinda like the "Christopher" of the Marvinsburg Mafia. Defender of all that is good, which includes sin. A Mormon in exile, he turned his back on the Church of Latter Day Saints when faced with the Mormon rite of passage for men called "Mission Work." Lucifer said "HELL NO!" to the proposal that he travel to Jakarta to convert the heathens armed only with minature green bibles. Little did he know that the reward for a completed Mission would be as many wives as he would like. Now his nights are filled with Hamburger Helper.
Lady Penelope: A talented author of the "Fat Jerry" blog and great friend to Illyria, despite the physical distance between the two. Also, a fabulous sinner.
Brian: Another wonderful friend to Illyria, a film expert, and the last of the Martini Pundits, a nearly extinct race in Marvinsburg.
Parker: Once ruled the tropics with Illyria and Lady Penelope as part of the Sloshed Triumvirate, dining on onion pizzas and playing rounds of Celebrity Bowl. Now works for The Man and dines on Chinee Takee Outee.
Phoenix: A bibliophile living in England. While avoiding real responsibility, he likes to bike, hike, and safari in Africa. In fact, the Toto song "I Bless the Rains Down in Africa" was based upon real events in Phoenix' life.
SPECTRE BLOGS
More Cowbell
Keeping the Faith (archives)
Denotsko
The Far Left Coast
Every Stretch of the Imagination
Princess Wild Cow
Srah Blah Blah
The Whiskey Bar
Crooked Timber
The Right to Remain Silent
Sasha Frere-Jones
The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy
2 Blowhards
Urban Semiotic
KimchiHead
No More Mister Nice Blog
PHANTOM PHAVORITES
Fametracker: The Farmer's Almanac of Celebrity Worth
Homestar Runner, for your weekly dose of Strongbad Email
Lyrics Freak, for when you want to practice your karaoke favorites
THE LATEST SURVEY
HAPPY PHANTOM OF THE WEEK
Francesca Lia Block
Author Francesca Lia Block is the renowned writer of groundbreaking "contemporary fairy tales with an edge." The daugher of a poet and a painter, Block's writing is influenced by the visual arts and dance, as well as authors Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Isabel Allende, and Hilda Doolittle. Her settings are usually the subcultures of Los Angeles where she grew up and currently resides.
While her works are usually marketed to adolescents, her novels and short stories attract the attention of all readers. My first exposure to Block was The Hanged Man. My officemate Cat left a copy on her desk, so I read it during my downtime. I was enchanted with how she used a Tarot reading to construct a novel about a young girl dealing with her father's death and sexual abuse. Her lush descriptions of LA create a haunting mood for this somber subject.
Aside from the poetic imagery which color her work, Block also draws on subtle writing devices of the masters, like listing objects as Charles Dickens often did. Check out this description of a house from the main character Laurel's point of view:
We live in a house with a tower. The man who it was a toymaker; he carved the faces over the fireplace and planted the vines that cover the walls and the oleander in the garden. It smells like cedar and eucalyptus, smoke and lavender in this house. There are things everywhere: books, shells, fossils, dried flowers, bird skulls, the antique wooden cherub, the miniature stone sphinx, ivory monkeys, the brass menorah, china dolls with little teeth, the ancient Roman tear vessel that came from a tomb -- that looks like a fossilized tear itself; the three bronze women stand erect. My father made them before I was born
It is such a simple paragraph, but it reveals much about Laurel's psyche. Block also draws upon her love of Roman and Greek mythology to rewrite fairy tales in Ecstasia, Primavera, and The Rose and the Beast. Her newest work, Necklace of Kisses comes out in less than a month. Because she mixes old world magic in modern day settings, Francesca Lia Block is the Happy Phantom of the Week!
PHANTOM QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"I accustomed myself to simple hallucination; I saw quite deliberately a mosque instead of a factory, a drummer's school conducted by angels, carriages on the highways of the sky, a salon at the bottom of a lake; monsters, mysteries, a vaudeville poster raising horrors before my eyes."
--Arthur Rimbaud
PHANTOM ANIMAL OF THE DAY
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My TickerFactory Birthday Counter
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
The People That You Meet in Marvinsburg
A
couple of weeks ago, Archie Artifact and I stopped at The Hamhock
Tavern to see Chris Merrell, a vocalist and guitarist who has been
touring with The Grass Roots for the last ten years or so --but when he
isn't touring the urban cities of the nation, he's here in Marvinsburg.
Oh yeah, we're just that cool.
So I guess you're wondering who Chris Merrell is. Well, I'm not lying
about him being in The Grass Roots . . . oh, you want to know who The
Grass Roots are!!! Good question. I asked it myself. I mean, I always
heard of them and knew they were one of those Allman-esque bands of the
1960s who every now and then get together to tour with The Union Gap
band or Herman's Hermits or Journey or 3 Dog Night. But I really don't
listen to any of those bands and can't name a single song except for 3
Dog's Night's "Eli's Coming."
(Chris is on the left, but he looks much younger here.)
So, like all post-Gen X-ers, I googled him, and did indeed produce some
fantastic photos. I took some of him with my cellphone, but these from The Grass Roots Fan Page
are much better quality. The solo one of Chris playing the guitar is
what he looks like now. Indeed, no matter how hot or humid the Florida
weather, I have never seen him not
clad in a longsleeve collar shirt and cowboy boots. In fact, Archie
Artifact now wants to buy some cowboy boots and take electric guitar
lessons! So cute!
But what makes Chris better than those other aging rock stars is, well,
he's not aging! You see unlike lead singer Rob Grille, Chris is not one
of the founding members of the band! So he couldn't possibly be that
old! Indeed, his youthful vim and vigor shine through in his excellent
guitar playing and loose lyrics of classic songs. On his own, Chris has
a whole catalog of familiar tunes he plays, from The Beatles to Bowie
to Tom Petty, though not enough of the Gainesville native, which he
rues and promises to correct.
Actually, watching Chris play the Hamhock, or any bar in Marvinsburg,
is like being a part of an inside joke. None of the patrons quite
understand him. They think he stands up on the dais and sings the
lyrics straight, which is actually really rare. He has a much more
playful personality, like when he does his schizophrenic duet of "To
All the Girls I Loved Before" with a Willie Nelson wig. Or on extra
special occassions, his brother joins him to sing "I Am the Walrus" or
Bowie's "Let's Dance." And then he makes these arch observations and
arcane references to literature and film and culture that sail over the
local barstool warmers' heads. So sad. But so funny because Archie and
I get the jokes --because we aren't from Marvinsburg either!
So I like it when Chris plays the Hamhock or the Red Neck Saloon or the
Missed Street Taphouse because then I know I might actually find some
intellectual stimulation in person instead of online at Blog Explosion.
I'm sure that Chris will stop by my blog when he isn't busy singing or
changing nappies or giving Archie guitar lessons, and in that case let
me put in a few song requests: 3 Dog Night's "Eli's Coming" and Tom
Petty's "American Girl." Anyone else want to get on the Song Request
Train? Oh, how about some Tom Waits?
Posted at 09:39 am by IllyriaJones
 | | | Illyria
August 3, 2005 08:39 PM PDT
Well, I like any book that begins "Me and Archie went . . . .la la la . . . happily ever after. The end." You are so sweet! Want to help me write The Marvinsburg Chronicles? I'm starting it after I finish "The Five People You Meet in Marvinsburg."
And to clarify, it is Lady Penelope whose musical tastes for Billy Joel suck, not me. | |
| | | Archie Artifact
August 3, 2005 07:32 PM PDT
You are wasting your talent. I've have just read the begining of a good book. It made me smile. | |
| | | Illyria
August 3, 2005 10:24 AM PDT
You suck, as does your taste in music. Or, you are very astute in knowing what the Marvinsburg audience craves: Sing us song, you're the piano man, sing us a song tonight . . . CRASH! Didn't see that tree in my drunken haze. | |
| | | Lady Penelope
August 2, 2005 02:32 PM PDT
Why would I make requests when I'm not going to be there to hear them? Oh, because YOU'RE going to be there to hear them. In that case, the entire Billy Joel catalog. | |
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