ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, I'm Illyria Jones! Welcome to The Happy Phantom weblog. I once lived in a small town in Florida which I write about frequently in this space. The names have been changed, but the people and places are real. As a Philadelphia native who found herself to be a prisoner of inertia, I've decided to stop resisting and just go with the flow. Doesn't mean I don't get a little frustrated every now and then! Here's to better days, new beginnings, making friends, and a life less ordinary in Florida.
ABOUT
Ramblin' Daze
When I was in college, I rambled with some girls who listened to Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes album from morning to night. They were such lovely lasses, too!
The one track I liked best was "The Happy Phantom," about a she-ghost who haunted the places she had been when she lived in her mortal coil. I fell in love with the idea --a phantom has freedom to do and say anything she wants, regardless of convention.
And so here is my Happy Phantom blog, a place for the posting of whatever pleases the imagination. In fact, the more it flies in the face of all things conventional, the better! The happy phantom runs naked through the catholic schoolyard without her mask on. The happy phantom wears her naughties like a jewel.
And, I believe the Happy Phantom has every right to bitch.
THE PHANTOM PLAYERS
The following are names/aliases you may come across in daily posts.
Marvinsburg: a small, small town somewhere in Florida. Once a backdrop for the Happy Phantom blog, it is now the site where life lessons were learned, hearts were broken, and the good times rolled in on two wheels every April.
Illyria Jones: Yours truly, writer of The Happy Phantom blog, once was living in Marvinsburg, once was a teacher of writing, once worked for the Marvinsburg Mafia, and now has moved onto a better town, a better job, and better days.
Sparky: Local boss of the Marvinsburg Mafia. He traffics in high class transportation (wink wink!) He mongrams the cuffs of his own shirts while partaking of whiskey and water, though these days he favors the latter straight up with a whiskey back. Also a known eavesdropper and lover of a dirty limerick. once a friend to Illyria Jones.
Archie Artifact: Once Sparky's right-hand man and once Illyria's love interest, though she moved on to better days with better people. Not only is he a paleoenthusiast, he can also trace his roots back to Coronado. When not digging through neighbors' yards for fossils, he can be found at the local watering hole attempting to channel the Spanish explorers of his ancestral past through doubles of rum and water. Also, because of his penchant for home decor and acquiring obscure kitchen utensils that he never uses, he is sometimes known as the sixth man on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
That Mainer Wes: A man from Maine named Wes. Also in the "Marvinsburg Mafia" and a royal pain.
Lucifer: Once Sparky's left-hand man--kinda like the "Christopher" of the Marvinsburg Mafia. Defender of all that is good, which includes sin. A Mormon in exile, he turned his back on the Church of Latter Day Saints when faced with the Mormon rite of passage for men called "Mission Work." Lucifer said "HELL NO!" to the proposal that he travel to Jakarta to convert the heathens armed only with minature green bibles. Little did he know that the reward for a completed Mission would be as many wives as he would like. Now his nights are filled with Hamburger Helper.
Lady Penelope: A talented author of the "Fat Jerry" blog and great friend to Illyria, despite the physical distance between the two. Also, a fabulous sinner.
Brian: Another wonderful friend to Illyria, a film expert, and the last of the Martini Pundits, a nearly extinct race in Marvinsburg.
Parker: Once ruled the tropics with Illyria and Lady Penelope as part of the Sloshed Triumvirate, dining on onion pizzas and playing rounds of Celebrity Bowl. Now works for The Man and dines on Chinee Takee Outee.
Phoenix: A bibliophile living in England. While avoiding real responsibility, he likes to bike, hike, and safari in Africa. In fact, the Toto song "I Bless the Rains Down in Africa" was based upon real events in Phoenix' life.
SPECTRE BLOGS
More Cowbell
Keeping the Faith (archives)
Denotsko
The Far Left Coast
Every Stretch of the Imagination
Princess Wild Cow
Srah Blah Blah
The Whiskey Bar
Crooked Timber
The Right to Remain Silent
Sasha Frere-Jones
The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy
2 Blowhards
Urban Semiotic
KimchiHead
No More Mister Nice Blog
PHANTOM PHAVORITES
Fametracker: The Farmer's Almanac of Celebrity Worth
Homestar Runner, for your weekly dose of Strongbad Email
Lyrics Freak, for when you want to practice your karaoke favorites
THE LATEST SURVEY
HAPPY PHANTOM OF THE WEEK
Francesca Lia Block
Author Francesca Lia Block is the renowned writer of groundbreaking "contemporary fairy tales with an edge." The daugher of a poet and a painter, Block's writing is influenced by the visual arts and dance, as well as authors Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Isabel Allende, and Hilda Doolittle. Her settings are usually the subcultures of Los Angeles where she grew up and currently resides.
While her works are usually marketed to adolescents, her novels and short stories attract the attention of all readers. My first exposure to Block was The Hanged Man. My officemate Cat left a copy on her desk, so I read it during my downtime. I was enchanted with how she used a Tarot reading to construct a novel about a young girl dealing with her father's death and sexual abuse. Her lush descriptions of LA create a haunting mood for this somber subject.
Aside from the poetic imagery which color her work, Block also draws on subtle writing devices of the masters, like listing objects as Charles Dickens often did. Check out this description of a house from the main character Laurel's point of view:
We live in a house with a tower. The man who it was a toymaker; he carved the faces over the fireplace and planted the vines that cover the walls and the oleander in the garden. It smells like cedar and eucalyptus, smoke and lavender in this house. There are things everywhere: books, shells, fossils, dried flowers, bird skulls, the antique wooden cherub, the miniature stone sphinx, ivory monkeys, the brass menorah, china dolls with little teeth, the ancient Roman tear vessel that came from a tomb -- that looks like a fossilized tear itself; the three bronze women stand erect. My father made them before I was born
It is such a simple paragraph, but it reveals much about Laurel's psyche. Block also draws upon her love of Roman and Greek mythology to rewrite fairy tales in Ecstasia, Primavera, and The Rose and the Beast. Her newest work, Necklace of Kisses comes out in less than a month. Because she mixes old world magic in modern day settings, Francesca Lia Block is the Happy Phantom of the Week!
PHANTOM QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"I accustomed myself to simple hallucination; I saw quite deliberately a mosque instead of a factory, a drummer's school conducted by angels, carriages on the highways of the sky, a salon at the bottom of a lake; monsters, mysteries, a vaudeville poster raising horrors before my eyes."
--Arthur Rimbaud
PHANTOM ANIMAL OF THE DAY
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My TickerFactory Birthday Counter
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Today at work, I brought in a fantastic chocolate cake! Just this big, fat decadent cake to celebrate my one year on the job. It was delicious through and through! But being that it was of such mammouth proportions, there was plenty of leftover scrumptious cake after myself and my coworkers consumed our hefty portions. We work in one of five buildings --not one much bigger than the other, but they are spread out through the campus. I placed the leftover chocolate cake in the kitchen of my building, but then I thought no one in the other buildings will know it's here, and I didn't want it to dry out. Stale cake isn't nearly so yummy. So when I got back to my desk, I crafted the following email for the campus:
Hello all! There is a delicious chocolate cake in the kitchen of Building C. Stop by and partake in a slice of scrumptious dessert. Come on, you know you want to!
It probably wasn't even a minute after I pressed the Send button that people I had never seen before started flocking through the doors of my building. I just watched all these bodies --mostly tall, hefty men-- briskly striding past my area. Like beat cops to frosted doughnuts, they rushed to the kitchen. When I went to the kitchen myself to witness the spectacle, the chocolate cake was swarmed by these six-foot men. In Lord of the Flies fashion, one had grabbed the knife and unequally divided the cake among the other natives. Within a minute, it was gone. Just one little crumb on the counter and the rest had vanished --whisked back to the other four buildings and promptly consumed.
It was more amusing and diverting than the actual party which the cake was for. In the corporate world, email advertising food produces this Pavlovian response where workers --primarily male-- respond without even thinking if they are hungry or not. It's nature, I guess, this call of the chocolate cake.
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